Leaving this here so anyone can access the book link xoxo!

got this book at an estate sale this weekend called Timidity: How to Overcome It by Yoritomo-Tashi and i can't stop thinking about it. here is the pdf

🖕 Fuck Timidity 🖕

it's basically my favorite orson welles quote expanded upon...i reference it often but i guess i'll include that here too:

In an interview with Henry Jaglom, Welles said that Allen had the “Chaplin disease” and that his dislike for Allen was physical. When Jaglom suggested that Allen was not arrogant but shy, Welles went into a monologue about how much he hated the man, as cited by Vulture: “He is arrogant. Like all people with timid personalities, his arrogance is ­unlimited. Anybody who speaks quietly and shrivels up in company is unbelievably ­arrogant. He acts shy, but he’s not. He’s scared. He hates himself, and he loves himself, a very tense situation. It’s people like me who have to carry on and pretend to be modest. To me, it’s the most embarrassing thing in the world—a man who presents himself at his worst to get laughs, in order to free himself from his hang-ups. Everything he does on the screen is therapeutic.”

An excerpt from the introduction that stuck with me:

There are some folks in this great world of ours who commend Timidity as a virtue to be encouraged rather than a fault to be decried. These people consider all assertiveness as arrogance. To them the man or the woman that pushes to the front deserves to be sent to the rear. It is fortunate that this is not the popular view. The world smiles on the impudence of some men, while it glories in the dare and the dash of others.

i have many thoughts on this but i will mostly continue cooking on them internally... but like it's people like me who have to carry on and pretend to be fucking modest thoughhhhh. this is underscored often in louis theroux documentaries, he's interviewing the scum of society and when they try to justify their hateful positions, a lot of the time it comes down to, "Well I have to be like this, someone's gotta be like this, that's how the world is and I have no choice but to be an asshole" and Louis is standing in front of them as an example of a regular person who is trying to be as ethical as possible. and there's a moment where he seems smug or smarmy before it clicks into place that he's literally just committed to promoting peace and harmony. and everyone can try to be this way but they don't because it takes courage and self-esteem to actually attempt to be a good person and maintain this view of yourself. because people will look at you and say "oh wow, she probably thinks she's sooo perfect" or whatever when you're just trying to do the right thing. which is actually stupid. positivity in the world is a net positive hello?? and as a woman if you dare to have high self-esteem and see yourself as a good person who is trying her best then people will try to absolutely tear you apart. the thing is i've been at this a long time and i really DGAF. and they can never take that away from me

and i say all this as someone who used to be impossibly, painfully shy. never forget that. but it is easier to be a fool and free than to be reserved and full of regret. because being shy is truly painful and embarrassing and stressful and embittering and actually literally torturous and it is kinder and more selfless to cast off timidity than it is to hold onto it for ""politeness"" get over yaself xx

Passages of interest

"Those who are afraid of being laughed at, suffer the most. This is, moreover, one of the least interesting kinds of timidity. For it springs from an exaggerated self-esteem and the fear of not appearing sufficiently brilliant."

"Therefore, I immediately came to the conclusion that as his awkwardness only manifested itself in public, he must belong to that class of timid persons which might certainly be called conceited, for the principal cause of their embarrassment and their affectation lies in the conviction that they fasten the attention of others on themselves to such a degree that every one notices their slightest gesture."